I broke.
Hello Peoples...Happy mother's day to you all although I hope that none of you are mothers!! I have a little somethings to share.
I think it's safe to say that the majority of you cried at one time or another in front of the group. I never did. There were times when I spoke in front of the group that I wanted to. I 'spose part of me wanted to just because everyone else did. I never felt emotional though and just never had any reason to cry. I felt that I was missing out on part of the Kaleo experience.
Little did I know, my time was yet to come. Last week at church my pastor had asked me to share a little blurb about my year at Kaleo. Today was my day. I had it all planned out. I was going to tell about the usual logistics of the program, you know "it's an 8-month leadership development program which incorporates"...the Reader's Digest if you will. Then I was going to share a little about what I had learned about the Gospel. I got throught the easy stuff alright, but when it came to the stuff that actually mattered, I broke.
I don't have any idea where it came from, but I started balling in front of my whole church (which only consists of about 30 people). I had a really hard time getting through the rest of my talk. I would say a sentence, if I was lucky and then cry then try to talk again. Crying in front of peers who you have built trust with over eight months (Kaleo) is one thing, but to cry in front of adults, parents, and the pastor is a very vulnerable, humbling experience.
I don't know what quite to make of it yet. I feel very tired almost melancholy right now. I don't feel relieved; I feel drained. I wanted the whole church to come around me and pray for me just like we did. That's all.
I love you all dearly, and I can't wait to see you again. May God bless you all.
Love,
Weaver
I think it's safe to say that the majority of you cried at one time or another in front of the group. I never did. There were times when I spoke in front of the group that I wanted to. I 'spose part of me wanted to just because everyone else did. I never felt emotional though and just never had any reason to cry. I felt that I was missing out on part of the Kaleo experience.
Little did I know, my time was yet to come. Last week at church my pastor had asked me to share a little blurb about my year at Kaleo. Today was my day. I had it all planned out. I was going to tell about the usual logistics of the program, you know "it's an 8-month leadership development program which incorporates"...the Reader's Digest if you will. Then I was going to share a little about what I had learned about the Gospel. I got throught the easy stuff alright, but when it came to the stuff that actually mattered, I broke.
I don't have any idea where it came from, but I started balling in front of my whole church (which only consists of about 30 people). I had a really hard time getting through the rest of my talk. I would say a sentence, if I was lucky and then cry then try to talk again. Crying in front of peers who you have built trust with over eight months (Kaleo) is one thing, but to cry in front of adults, parents, and the pastor is a very vulnerable, humbling experience.
I don't know what quite to make of it yet. I feel very tired almost melancholy right now. I don't feel relieved; I feel drained. I wanted the whole church to come around me and pray for me just like we did. That's all.
I love you all dearly, and I can't wait to see you again. May God bless you all.
Love,
Weaver
posted by Weaver at 5/14/2006 01:27:00 p.m.
7 Comments:
Hey Weaves bro, It takes a real man to cry in front of anyone! Glad you were able to share the feeling with the rest of us. You are a true man of God I you know we ALL respect that! Hope your days ahead of you will be open to much vulnerablity and be filled with the Love that only comes from above! God Bless man, we all love you.
Peace,
I miss you weaver. Its ok to cry even for a manly man such as yourself.
I always knew you were a softy.
Love ya buddy
Very cool, Jonathan. And we are all standing around you in spirit, hands on your shoulders, praying for you. Your church would have too, if they had thought of it. Be patient with them. And Father, thank you for pointing out to Jonathan today the significance of what you have brought about in his life and understanding this year. Thank you that he could not speak about the Gospel without tears, which were precious to you and important for his church to see. Please take these emotions and motivate Jonathan toward godly action and compassionate deeds. Open doors for him that no one can shut. We pray in the wonderful name of Jesus.
I heart you wee!!
Just know your not alone, there have been 2 groups before you who have made the same journey. Take comfort in the fact that you will survive although it may take some melancholy days. And don't get frustrated when things aren't going quite as smoothly as you thought. If its any comfort its been a year and a bit since my kaleo ended and yes every once and a while i still cry. But its gotten considerably less, and i am what you call a girl in touch with her "feelings" . eww i cant believe i just wrote that.
Goldy Locks i heart you thank you for sharing !!!! i'm praying for you ~ Saska Pants ~
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