To my dearest Kaleo (and the many other people who read this blog)

Hey guys,

My heart is beating out of my chest- I've never been good at being open with you all but I know that I need to be now.

I've come to a point in my life where honesty and truth are defining me- slowly chipping away at my heart. I'm coming to you now, showing you all of who I am with humility and I hope that you can read this post with discernment and most of all, love.

Kaleo- I want to tell you all that I am gay.... um. a lot of people choose to call its same sex attraction or a disorder. I'm simply telling you it in the easiest context that I find it within myself- not as a definition of who I am, not as my identity- but as something that is within me - a part of me that I have smothered for a very long time.

I've known that this is inside of me since I was about 13 - I've denied it and absolutely, whole heartedly rejected my feelings for fear of being rejected in return. I've felt disgusting in Gods eyes- I cannot begin to tell you how much I have hated myself over this. I have spent countless nights praying, begging for God to take this out of me- surely this cannot be me.... I would pray for God to "fix' me...

I've told myself a lie for a long time. That lie is that I am not gay- I do not have these feelings, they do not exist and once I find a good christian man who I can force myself to love- all my hurt and shame and feelings will wash away and I will live happily ever after. I can honestly say that I lived this lie the loudest at Kaleo- I truly believed my lie with all my heart and looking back it makes me so sad....

I've struggled with my Faith hard this last year- I've strayed feeling so unworthy- it wasn't until I spilled my guts to a dear friend and he told me that God loves all of me. Period, and it was like hearing it for the first time.

I listened to a sermon and the pastor yelled so loud "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord"

It was my breaking point- my realization that I am loved, I am accepted by my Father and I cannot tell you what a feeling that was to realize for the first time...

I know there are many verses that are relevant to what I'm talking about, but for now I'm just wanting to show you what this journey has been..

Kaleo, my heart feels shattered and broken by God- it has been so hard for so long- I can honestly say I now know the meaning of unconditional love....

I know that this may be hard to accept- it took me a very long time to accept it in myself- I understand if you are upset or confused- Please know that coming to you like this, is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do- I have feared this moment for a long time... I wish that I could be talking to you all face to face

Please feel free to email me or fb me or call me if you want to talk or ask questions or whatever.. I might not have all the answers about this but I am open to hearing what you have to tell me...

I love you guys

Brys